Monogamy / Lustogamy, as commonly practiced in modern relationships, often sets the stage for men to slowly slide into a pattern of “simping”—over-prioritizing their partner’s needs, approval, and emotional validation at the expense of their own sense of purpose and masculine energy.
At the beginning of a relationship, a man might maintain his independence and edge, but as the commitment deepens, he may begin sacrificing boundaries, freedom, and self-respect under the belief that being “extra nice” or overly accommodating will maintain harmony or affection. This misguided attempt to please often dilutes his identity, leading him to suppress his own desires in order to “keep the peace.”
Over time, this excessive pleasing behavior erodes the polarity that initially created attraction. A woman may have been drawn to his strength, independence, or leadership—but once she sees him prioritizing her emotional comfort above all else, the dynamic shifts. She may begin to lose respect, even subconsciously, sensing that he is no longer the grounded, self-assured man she once desired. Instead of feeling safe in his masculine presence, she starts to feel like she’s emotionally “mothering” him, and the sexual chemistry fades. This is the beginning of a slow, toxic inversion—where the man thinks more pleasing will fix things, and the woman pulls away even more.
This creates a vicious cycle: the more she withdraws, the more he panics and tries harder—buying more gifts, giving more attention, walking on eggshells, apologizing for having needs. But the harder he chases her approval, the less she values it. His behavior feels desperate, not dominant. What once was a partnership becomes a power imbalance fueled by emotional insecurity. Ironically, the more loyal and monogamous he tries to be, the more he’s perceived as needy or weak. And because monogamy often expects emotional exclusivity too, he has nowhere else to re-center his masculine energy. He becomes dependent—and unattractive.
In the end, monogamy / lustogamy without masculine boundaries becomes a loop that eats itself from the inside out. The man gives more in hopes of receiving love, while the woman respects him less for doing so. This isn’t a condemnation of commitment or loyalty, but of unconscious monogamy—where men lose themselves trying to be “good enough” for someone who wanted them exactly as they were before the simping began. A better model? One where men maintain their edge, their options, and their emotional sovereignty—even within commitment—so the cycle of disconnection never begins.